Not So Straight

An Information and Referral Website for Young People

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night" - Woody Allen

Frequently Asked Questions - Other Questions

But I'm married!

I can't be lesbian or gay because I'm married!

Some men and women are capable of forming long-lasting and mutually fulfilling relationships with a person of either sex. Most of these people will identify as being bisexual. If they choose a person of the opposite sex as a life-long partner, they will marry, even though they may be able to form an equally long-lasting relationship with a person of the same sex.

Other people have a strong attraction to a person of the same sex, but because of pressure from family or friends, choose to get married. In some cases, the marriage works well and both partners live very fulfilling lives.

In many cases, however, one partner will seek out casual relationships with people of the same sex. There are many men, for example, who identify as being completely straight, but who like to have casual sex with other men.

In some cases, the desire for a person of the same sex eventually becomes so strong that they decide to leave the marriage. This can be very difficult, not just for the marriage partners, but also for any children involved. In many ways this is no different from a straight couple separating and divorcing, but often the issues of sexuality are difficult to deal with.

There are support groups available for people in this situation. Sydney has a number of groups including the Gay and Married Men's Association (GAMMA).

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I can't be lesbian or gay because ...

  • I want to have kids
  • I am married
  • I enjoy the company of the opposite sex

We are constantly bombarded with stereotypes of how we are expected to act and look. These stereotypes are just generalisations. We don't need to follow these. We are free to do what feels right for us.

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From Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service of NSW. © 2006. All rights reserved.